I find there are 3 basic areas that we can address to become more resilient to both planned and unplanned changes that occur in our lives. But first, a little background on why changes seem to take such a toll on us. That toll on our human systems has a name; it's call stress. Stress can be defined as the brain's response to any demand. The demands can be of many types. The National Institute on Mental Health (NIMH) lists an array of these:
"Changes can be positive or negative, as well as real or perceived. They may be recurring, short-term, or long-term and may include things like commuting to and from school or work every day, traveling for a yearly vacation, or moving to another home. Changes can be mild and relatively harmless, such as winning a race, watching a scary movie, or riding a rollercoaster. Some changes are major, such as marriage or divorce, serious illness, or a car accident. Other changes are extreme, such as exposure to violence, and can lead to traumatic stress reactions."
No matter what change we're adapting to, changes make demands on our system. If we can take charge of 3 basic areas, our chances for making it through the transitions improve, and they become opportunities for self-growth. Attitude, Self-Care, and Proactivity are essential to success in surviving.
1. Attitude is Key - Our attitude, or how we feel and think about a change, makes a difference. Our internal dialog, or self-talk is constantly going on in our minds, unconsciously, but at times consciously. Have you ever talked out loud to yourself? What we say to ourselves really does matter. We tend to believe what we hear repeated from a trusted source. This is how we acquired our values and beliefs as a child, listening and watching family and other trusted people around us. And who are we likely to trust more than ourselves?!? If we repeatedly tell ourselves "I can't ____" then we believe it, even if the truth of the matter is more like "I haven't yet, but I can ____". This is important, because if we believe we can do something to affect the outcome, then we will be open to creative and new ideas and behaviors. If, instead, be believe the "I can't" then we will tend to discount new approaches and our ability to implement them. How do you do this? Simply put, we begin to make ourselves aware of our attitudes, beliefs, and self-talk, and do a reality check. Is what I believe of tell myself really true, or am I just in the habit of thinking it's true? When we challenge ourselves the opportunities we may have been missing, now are noticed. We become more open.
Another role that attitude plays in adapting to change is I how much control we feel we have over outcomes we desire. The truth of the matter is that very few things work out exactly the way we planned or wanted. If we do not let go of the attachment to having everything our on way, we will be constantly disappointed, upset, and resentful. Being able to accept what has happened is also a big factor in being resilient. Now this does not mean that we don't care about outcomes. In fact, we do everything we can to achieve outcomes we are looking for, but then we must let go of attachment to the actual outcome. After all, how powerful do we think we are? Is it realistic to feel we can make everything turn out just according to our own desires?
2. Prioritize Self-Care - In the midst of stress, and doing all we can, we can neglect our own selves, instead obsessively pursuing the outcome we want, or other times juggling everything on our plates in the midst of chaos. If we allow ourselves to remain in the chaos then we cannot cleanse stress from our body, our mind, or our spirit. Stress takes a toll on th body by secreting stress chemicals that help our body to meet the challenges of stressful situations. If we do not de stress, however, these chemicals can remain and do damage to the body, including destroying cells and reducing our capacity to fight potential infections. Without relaxing and refocusing the mind, we can get stuck in automatic response patterns, and we can have difficulty accessing the judgment centers of our brain.
When we remain in the chaos, we lose contact to our spirit or our higher self. In order to make good judgments and decisions, there, we need this "detox" of body, mind and spirit.
3. Be Proactive - We don't always know when change is coming, but if we do,we can prepare ourselves. One way to do this is to maintain a regular practice that consists of relaxation, exercise, meditation, yoga, or better yet, a combination of several of these skills. The capacity to "detox" ourselves is related to how easily we can invoke these practices. That's the nature of a skill, the more you practice it, the more effective it is. So we can inoculate ourselves from the negative effects that stressor can cause by adopting regular self-care practices.
Whether a particular change excites you or causes you anxiety, the fact is that it must be adapted to by body, mind and spirit. If you will practice working mindfully in the basic areas of Attitude, Self-Care, and Proactivity you will become more resilient to change over time.
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