Fighting my Impulses

I think I'm a fairly normal guy.  I don't drink very often, and when I do, it's very limited.  Day to day, I don't seem to struggle with many impulses. In fact, some view me as very calm and collected, especially when there is stress or pressure.  But today, I've noticed that there have been impulses; fairly strong impulses to do things that I know are not the best for me.  For instance, before leaving the casino in Richardsonville, MS this morning, I felt an urge to go back to the slot machines.  (Note: I did make an A in statistics so I know that the odds on those machines are stacked heavily against me!). I managed to weather that impulse, but there were others throughout the day.  While waiting three hours (yes...3 hours!) to have two new tires put on the back of the car, I couldn't stand it, I had to have a cigarette.  While driving to this evening's destination, Cape Girardeau, Missouri, I couldn't resist buying snacks at two stops.  I'm thinking to myself, my weight and my potential health problems are two things I could control!  So why do I sabotage myself like this?

One reason is undoubtedly that there is something I get from smoking and eating junk.  Finding what drives me to do these things I don't really want to be doing is one step.  But even without knowing what underlying force drives these things, there are things I can do right now to make changes.  The first is to become aware of the impulse and resist it.  I will need to remember what motivates me to make these changes in order to resist the strength of the impulse.  For me, I will feel better and hopefully look better if I lose weight.  My health will also improve if I quit smoking and change what I eat.  I have this fantasy that I will be more popular after these changes, but whether that's true or not, it sure is motivating to think so!  

All of these changes I want to make are also about self-discipline, and cultivating the strength to make different and healthier choices, in the moment, mindfully, without judgment.  Tomorrow's task is to be very mindful of impulses and urges, noticing their strength, and matching the strength of these habits with the courage of mindful motivation.

Travel Log - September 4, 2014

Departed Robinsonville, Mississippi at about 11:40 AM

Arrived in Memphis, TN about 12:40 PM

Waited in Bartlett, TN about 3 hours for new tires to be put on car at Sam's Club

Departed Memphis, TN approximately 3:40 PM

Arrived in Cape Girdardeau, Missouri at 6:30 PM

300 miles